stay tuned

I'd like to announce the return of a great blog! You all should be very excited :D
The Cheesy Experiment!

For those who may remember, I had started a blog about cheese and different things that you can do with it. Well, I haven't written in it in awhile and was inspired again on a recent trip to Trader Joes.

So, over the next couple of weeks I'll be adding the blog to my side panel for you all to check out!

Stay tuned :)

let it go.

Every ounce of energy I spent on trying to control things and make things go just the way I want, I could probably run a hundred marathons.

For every plan I make that doesn't go just as I planned. For every piece of perfection I feel my life and home have to be. And, for every person who I have probably driven crazy just listening to it all, I could go around the earth twice I'm sure. 

Let it Go

Surrender all I cannot not control

Stand back when I want to fight

Control that in which I know I the power

Let it Go

The frustration of other's actions

Know it may be beyond my understanding

Reliquish ownership to others

Let it Go

Know that I will still have a say in my concerns

Trust in who I know will help me

Feel love and support in those who care

I will Let it Go

<3 and Peace to you all! 

myself

A few years ago, I met a pretty amazing person. Her name was Kathy. She is a therapist who I went to see while I was going through a rough time in my life. Her biggest thing while assisting me in helping myself was telling me to breathe and just let things go. Just let them go and not stress about the things that you don't owe and that will drag you down.

I was successful in learning how to control my anxiety and get my breathing under control when I felt things start to rise. I was so proud and thought "wow, if I can do this, I can do anything!" I vowed never to allow myself to get like that again.

Although, the cause of this control and anxiety is so entirely different than the last, I have found myself in a very similar situation to where I was just only a few years ago.

I would love to say I could pick up the phone and call Kathy. I know she would be there for me and help me in all the ways she did in the past. But, you see, I don't think that will help. Because, how I'm feeling now is all built around things that I need to sort out. Things that I know have only just built up into a mountain that only I can bring back down again.

Basically, I have allowed myself to become victim to being overwhelmed with all the changes that have happened over the past 2 years and only now am allowing everything to come to the surface.

I think I have figured out the source of my "health" problems. It all stems from the multitude of changes that have been occurring and accruing since last Sept/Oct. Where was I at this time? Well...lets "recap"

October:
Shane and I were supposed to go up to MA and visit my family. My grandfather was sick and things weren't looking very well. Two nights before we were to leave I got extremely sick and was diagnosed the next day with bronchitis and recommendations not to go from my Dr.

November:
I finally was able to go to MA

When I returned from MA, I went to an endodontist to have a root canal done. He did a really, REALLY bad job. The endodontist did not finish his job and left me with a partially done root canal over the week of Thanksgiving. Once he returned to his office after the holiday, they informed me they didn't take my insurance. I had to then find a new Dentist who did take my insurance on top of going through the whole referral crap because it's an HMO insurance. At this point, didn't look like I was getting this partially done root canal fixed for quite some time.

Let's fast forward to...

...January:
I was able to get my tooth looked at by another dentist. I had to have that dentist refer me to another root canal specialist. At this point he said the tooth wasn't able to be saved and I needed to have it extracted.

I left Maxim and started my new job at Saint Agnes Hospital. I was really happy to be leaving Maxim and happy to be in a hospital setting. I had a lot of things promised to me and about 5 projects handed to me to start out!

I moved in with Shane and Grayson. I'm pretty sure this was probably one of the biggest adjustments yet. I went from living a single, independent life in my own apartment. To sharing a 2 bedroom condo with just one common area of living with a guy and a 7 year old. I have never shared a room with anyone nor have I ever lived with kid. It's very different and a lot of adjustment. I'm so super happy that I made this choice though and am so blessed to have them both in my life!

February:
By mid-Feb, all 5 jobs my boss had assigned me were either put on hold or canceled. She back filled my days with having me create a training manual for an application I had never used.

I had the tooth the root canal specialist told me I couldn't save, removed.

March:
Went to my primary care because of dizziness and it wasn't due to the anemia they diagnosed me with. Go see a neurologists.

April:
Got in to see a neurologists who said that my dizziness was caused by migraines I didn't have, but take Gabbapentin, symptoms will go away.

Present Day:
I get daily migraines, that didn't come about until I took the medicine.

I spend my days at work asking my co-workers if they need help with anything and hoping that something comes up. My only blessing these past 3 days has been the system basically crashing and giving me something I'm knowledgeable in doing: trouble shooting. I'm not a technical writer thank you, so stop giving me training manuals to write!

So, I don't have anything neurological going on. My MRI came back clean. I don't suffer from migraines (except the ones medicine driven) and I also don't have anything going on with my inner ear. I've been to my primary care, neurologists, eye Dr's and ENT. I have spoken with all these people...and there is real no definite answer as to what is wrong. except for the one I think I have: stress and anxiety of change.

My treatment?

Wine, lots and lots of wine! :D just kidding

• I am going to wean myself off the Gabbapentin
• Join a gym
• Getting a massage next Wednesday and a cranial massage :D
• Going to find myself a therapist to chat with as an outlet and someone objective
• Get involved in somethings that I like; photography class or something :D

I hope you all understand one thing: I am happy! I have had a lot going on and this post is pretty deep in all those aspects. Some may seem like I'm fed up and that I'm not happy. But, when it all comes down to it, I'm a happy person. Is every one's life perfect and happy-go-lucky all the time? No. And does everyone feel good about things and how their life turned out every second? No. Are there times when you make decisions and think "was that the right one". Yes, all the time I'm sure!

The difference is, is that I moved away to a place for a job. I stayed here and worked that job. I guess always subconsciously thinking I would return to MA when I left it. Well, I met and fell in love with a great guy. Who, will never be able to leave MD because of Grayson. I guess in a way, when I left Maxim, I mourned the fact that I wasn't leaving to return to MA.

I have made so many decisions in my life. Some I didn't think I would ever make. But, as much as I love and miss my family and friends in MA every day...I am not sorry I made decision to move and stay in Maryland.

It just means that I need to learn how to live here and maintain my relationships with everyone in MA without worrying or stressing out about anything. It means that I go to work, just like everyone else and deal with every day stressers. I means that no matter what, I have people who love and support me and that is God's greatest gift to me!

So, with that, I will remember by friend Kathy and know that she would say in this very situation "Breathe and let all that you can't control go away and away from you"

Love and peace to all of you!

back and forth

I'm back from my trip to MA. It was both educational professional wise and very self fulfilling all at the same time!

I learned quite a bit at the seminars I went to. It was for 3 days and they taught taught taught through all 3 days!! Aren't they supposed to let you catch a break!?

One of my co-workers Kelley came with me. Her and I have become almost like friends from working together at the office. So, it wasn't a drag when her and I were paired up to go to this seminar together; I knew it wouldn't be a problem to go away with her.

We landed Monday. The easiest thing ever is Logan Express!! I don't know why I never thought to take it. EVER! It's super comfy with it's Coach Bus like design. No movies or anything, but when it's only about a 45 minute drive and you have good company or a good book; you don't need a movie :) It's only $22 round trip! You wouldn't even get that in gas now-a-days!

Logan Express dropped us off at their Framingham station. We were staying at the Crowne Plaza that provides shuttle service not only to and from the training facility we were going to be attending; but to and from Logan Express. Free of charge! But, is it really free of charge? Why do you think they they charge you so much for the rooms...? :D

Dave was our shuttle driver. A little strange, but nice man. He informed us that
"just this year they renamed the Crowne Plaza to The Verve. And, re-designed everything."

His son is the chef at the hotel, so we needed to

"check out The Pantry or the bar they have in the hotel". Thank you for staying with us, watch your step as you get exit the shuttle."

The hotel was quite interesting with it's confusion between 70's and modern contemporary decor.

We grabbed really salty and not very creamy clam chow-dah from The Pantry; and called it a night!

Tuesday was Day 1 of training...which ran over like an half and a half! I was mad because mom was sitting at this lovely hotel waiting on me! We had such a nice visit and got to eat at my favorite place ever; The Olive Garden! I was sad to see her leave. But she will be coming to MD in 3 weeks!! :)

Wednesday was Day 2 of training. This day we actually were let out a little earlier. So, I made it back to the hotel in time to freshen up and meet Dad and Nancy in the lobby to go out to dinner with them! It was great seeing them and awesome that we got to eat waaayyy to much at the Cheese Cake Factory! I wished they could have stayed longer, but I will see them in August!!

Thursday was Day 3 of training. We had an 8:55pm flight at Logan. There was an earlier one at 5:45pm and we were hoping to get to the airport in time to catch that one. After training we did the whole shuttle and Logan Express thing again. Got to the airport to find that the 5:45pm was actually delayed and we would able to catch it! Woohoo for us! We paid the $50 to switch our flight from the later to the earlier, grabbed a pizza and of course Dunkin's and were off to come back home!!

From then on it's been pretty steady passed here at the Hubbard/Hess household. We have been organizing and cleaning more. The stuff has slowly started dwindling from the livingroom and the bedroom doesn't look so cluttered. I organized my closet and ended up with another tube full of winter clothes and another pile of jackets. Where does all this stuff come from, I ask!?


I'll leave you off with some exciting news. My plant, Gertrude (yes I name my plants) has grown soooo much!

Remember this picture I posted, ehhh about a couple of months ago

Well, I had to put her in a bigger pot! She was over flowing from this one even more than what this picture shows!

(oh by the way, Auntie Janice asked what kind of plant she is. She's a cyclamen plant.) Apparently, based on what I was reading online, they are more a fall and winter flower. They are supposed to go into a dormant in the summer. I've had her outside now for the past couple of months and if anything she has just grown. Maybe she didn't get the memo that it's no longer winter!?

Gerturde's sister, who Shane named Izzy, is not doing as great...but I'm hoping since I re-potted her in Gert's old pot that she will grow a little better

Well, that's all I got! Talk with you all soon! :D

Peace and loves!!

I've been feeling okay. I've increased my medicine to take 1 pill in the morning as well. It's helped some and hopefully will only get better!

I made an appointment with another neurologist for a second opinion. That appointment is June 5th. Shane is going to come with me to be sure that if they give me any crap, he can fight back! It's funny, if it were him or someone else, I'd be able to stand up to the Drs. But, when it's for me about my health I don't and just back down.

Doesn't make any sense?

Aside from that, we won't talk about work. We will talk about the fact that Shane and I went to the storage unit and pulled everything completely out. We organized it all (my favorite! ) and then put it all back in!

So now, when you walk in, all my stuff is in the front along with the kitchen stuff we don't use on a regular basis, but have in there to save and use when we need to.

We can talk about how own living room has once again turned into the catch all for my stuff and the stuff going into storage. Of course, that will change next weekend. BUT, it'll be nice when that is gone. It's just a huge pile of stuff :D

Now, don't think I didn't tell anyone cause I didn't want to see you all :)  - but I am going to be in MA for a couple of days for training for work. The company for the EMR the hospital uses is Meditech, which is located in Framingham.

Anyways, I fly up there tomorrow night and come back Thursday night. I'm going with another girl from the office. It'll be filled with seminars and exhausting meetings for 3 days straight! But, it'll be nice to be away from the office :)

Oh and to have real Dunkin iced coffee! Because what they have down here is just imitation crap! :) Annnnd, to read Game of Thrones; because I have still only read 2 pages ;)

Hope you all have a great week!

I like to read. In fact, if I didn't have to work, cook or clean I could read ALL day!

I always have a problem though, with books.

I just have too many on my list to read and tend to get a bit overwhelmed.

And, then the list either falls apart and I don't read the books I intended on reading

Or, I read some and buy new

This summer though, I have a new strategy

Read book series and alternate through the books!

It's genius! :)
 

1. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

*The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

* The Girl Who Played With Fire

* The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest

2. Harry Potter

*Sorcerer's Stone
*Chamber of Secrets

*Prisoner of Azkaban

*Goblet of Fire

*Order of the Phoenix

*Half-Blood Prince

*Deathly Hallows (do you know that I still haven't seen this movie yet!?)

3. Hunger Games

*Hunger Games

*Catching Fire

*Mockingjay

4. A Song of Ice and Fire

*Game of Thrones
*A Clash of Kings
*Storm of Swords
*A Feast for Crows
*A Dance with Dragons

Starting off the summer reading is...

Game of Thrones

(Then, once complete, I'll go back up to series #1, with Girl Who Played with Fire

 ...and then work my way down again)

I think this will be the best way for me to mix up the books so they all get equal attention

I'll work through my reading list faster

And, I won't get bored reading about the same thing

There are still several books I want to read that are not parts of series

We'll leave those for another entry though.

For example; J.K. Rowling's new book

*The Casual Vacancy

Now, if I could only deal with the no working thing?

Cleaning and Cooking I actually like to do! :)

Peace & <3

It's been a very hectic couple of weeks. Work has been interesting and I have also been doing a lot of different things with Dr's.

I'll explain:

About 6 or so months ago I was having a feeling of dizziness/lightheaded-ness that I contributed to be associated with my teeth. At the time I had a really bad root canal done and my tooth was infected. It was eventually extracted, which I then in turn thought would eliminate the dizziness.

It didn't.

I finally convinced my Dr that something was wrong aside from the anemia she recently diagnosed and the teeth problems. She referred me to a neurologist.

He has been nothing but a jerk since the day I went to him. His bed side manner is HORRIBLE!

The first day Shane came with me. Dr Dash did a serious of neurological exams and also tested my balance. His diagnosis; some french thing he needed to Google to find out the spelling for. And, that I had symptoms of migraines.

He put me on something that interfered with my birth control. This is only a problem since my Dr has me on a treatment plan using the BC to help treat it. So, I told him this wasn't going to work. He fought with me and fought with me, but finally after I told him that I could not take it, he caved.

1 point for me!

He put me on Gabapentin. Which is the generic of Neutrotin.

For someone who has never had a problem with migraines, although he said I was having the symptoms of someone who did; well I have them now. But, the dizziness and lightheaded-ness somewhat subsided.

I went back to him complaining about the increase in headaches. He didn't know what to do and it showed when he gave me 4 options and asked that I choose one; really!?

1. To stop Gabapentin all together - this may bring back dizziness but help the headaches

2. Go to something all together - where then I would have to fight with him all over again about the interactions and I wasn't about to do that

3. Go on a lower dose of Gabapentin - apparently the dumb ass put me on 300mg first, even though there is a 100mg dose tablet out there!

4. Keep taking what I'm taking in hopes this is just a side effect

I picked number 3.

So, currently I am taking 2 100mg Gabapentin at bedtime. Today I am going to add 1 100mg tablet around noon time, because I still get headaches during the day and I'm hoping taking that extra one during the day will help.

I am also, in the process of finding an new neurologist for a second option.

Honestly, it's been such a whirlwind and craziness episode, it's been too much to type. So, for all those who I haven't told; sorry :( It's just been so insanely difficult and exhausting that I haven't really even wanted to talk about it.

But, I am feeling a little better; so here it all is!

Hope all you mom's have a wonderful Mother's Day!!! <3